Friday, April 07, 2006
As I squeezed through the crowd, seeing a whole bevy of activity at the lobby area, a flood of graduates, dressed in their black gowns, yellow stripes and motar hats lingered around. I was then thinking to myself, that would I be able to graduate on schedule. How would my situation be, when I see parents of the graduate standing there, taking pictures, and being so proud of their child.
It's times like these that give me a big headache. Just as it had for my birthday.
But one very, very important person that needs to be there, and I really want her to be there, is my Grandma.
I haven't been exactly been performing up to expectations; being unable to get into a local uni, failing my econs for year one, and throughly slacking through year two. I feel like such a big disappointment, at times, but then, it's my life. Why place all the expectations on me, when I wasn't given a platter of choice to choose from? It's like being the elephant in the big circus act, which I had no control over. Animals learn through repetition, which I'm not.
And there's him. I can't allow myself to think of this whole issue, or as a real person. Relationship issues are super thorny with me, and I'd rather be single and free, than be to be bound to bouts of insecurity. It's like, there's a little worm in there who's trying to push the yearning level up, but the mind sprays the insecticide, half hoping to quell it, half hoping it'll fail in doing so.
Coral @ 12:49 PM
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